Because I know my soul, my brain, my heart. I know they are so hopelessly screwed up there’s no going back. No matter how I act, no matter how much I “give back”, no matter how I treat people well, no matter how many times I go to church, no matter how much pot I smoke, no matter how drunk I get, no matter how many one night stands I have, no matter how in love I fall, no matter how clean I eat or much I work out, no matter how many kids in third world countries I feed, it means shit, because deep, deep down, I will never be good enough on my own. I will always have wrong thoughts, wrong intentions, or just do wrong things. There’s no saving myself, and I need a God who is holy, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient just to get this mess cleaned up. I need someone who is alive, someone who loves me, someone who wants my best, someone who will love me again and again, even though I’m a fool and screw up with very breath. I want someone who has fought for me. Someone who knows every fiber of my being and still seeks out a relationship with me. My God is everything and I am nothing. That’s why.
it just hit me - it’s been almost 2 years and i still miss him. its not a “i want him back” type of miss, just a simple “i miss him.” you’d think 2 years would be long enough to stop missing someone, but it just gets worse as time passes.
It’s okay I miss him too! Cambridge is far away! ;)